Dealing With Uncertainty

When the world around us is changing quickly, how do we cope?

Whether we like it or not, the world we live in is constantly changing. Whether you're Gen Z or a Boomer, facing a world where constant, unpredictable, enormous change is underway can feel daunting at best or completely overwhelming and hopeless at worst. When we're facing uncertainty, we can feel like everything seems to be wobbly, nothing can be relied on, or the bottom is about to drop out from underneath us in sudden, unwanted change.

Instinctive responses to uncertainty

Our first response when faced with uncertainty and change is often to grasp harder at what we think we know or what used to be there, to protest and complain about the changes we didn't want and which now force themselves into our lives, or to go into intellectual overdrive, thinking through an infinite number of possible courses of action and related outcomes. It is totally natural and expected for humans to seek out stability, reassurance, understanding, commiseration, and the ability to predict and control any future changes or uncertainty. However, no matter how hard we work at this, uncertainty often remains. We are left to wonder - will our efforts be successful? What long-term effect will these changes have on our lives or the lives of those we love?

Some things we can work to change, others we can't. We live in a complex, messy, middle place where we have some agency but don't have full control. Uncertainty and change can also bring up feelings of grief and loss as we feel the impact of what we've lost as the world changes around us, maybe even before we got a chance to really enjoy it.

Common coping strategies when uncertainty hits

When our first responses don't resolve uncertainty, we move into coping. While we all have our own personal assortment of coping strategies, some common ways of coping with uncertainty include frustration, anger and aggression, self-criticism, overthinking and anxiety. You may also notice yourself going into an exhausted, collapsed or spacey state where you have no energy for anything. It's also common to notice urges to engage in distracting, numbing, comforting or avoiding behaviours - needing constant stimulation from media or work, using alcohol, substances or porn to feel good, or withdrawing and avoiding social connections or places where you might be exposed to reminders of the change, or other people who seem to be doing fine. You also may experience emotions coming through at inopportune or unusual times - such as bursting into tears on a work call or uncharacteristically lashing out at a loved one.

Coping strategies can feel inevitable, like it's almost impossible to imagine how you might get by without using them. At one level they do have a function and often push back on or numb out painful feelings. However, when they become more extreme or rigid, they can start to have consequences in our lives that come with their own costs.

Finding your ground

Uncertainty, unwanted change and sudden loss can be like a whirlwind or earthquake, turning everything you know upside down. And yet, if you're still living through it, you have a body, gravity is gently holding you here on this earth, and you can direct your attention and intention towards the things that you choose. The literal connection we have to the ground can help us contain and orient ourselves, slowing down the whirlwind of thoughts, and drawing us into the present moment where we have a better chance of responding to what's here in front of us. which may include supportive people, nourishing food, and the truth of how we feel.

Major transitions and times of change, whether personal or collective, shake things up and bring our coping strategies to the surface. Therapy can help you find a safe place to stand and the ability to face these changes with strength, courage, and honesty.