Many of my clients are women who are struggling in one way or another with their anger. It's easy to spot when your anger is big and loud, spilling out in times and places that you later regret, or when you look back on events and wonder how things might have gone differently if your anger wasn't in charge.
Other times women struggle to access their anger at all. You might be focused on taking care of others and making sure that you're giving and predicting what they need so often that you find yourself exhausted and resentful at the end of the day, wondering how grown adults can take so much and give so little. The challenge here is the absence of anger that might prompt you to say no.
Being an angry woman can carry a certain weight and stigma. It's easy to spiral into the feedback loop of being frustrated that you're frustrated, or sink into the shame of being seen as the nagging, resentful, angry woman. The ideal woman is presented as being sweet and patient and giving and soft, so what does it mean if you're often angry and frustrated? Does this make you less feminine?
Hormones play a significant role too, but this often means that others dismiss your experience with "oh, it's just PMS" or "perimenopause, amirite?" We are finally learning more about the impact of hormones on women's brains and bodies, and discovering the very real physical and emotional changes that happen both within an individual menstrual cycle and at each major hormonal milestone over the lifespan, including puberty, pregnancy, postpartum and perimenopause/menopause. To learn more about this, check out recent books by Dr. Jen Gunter and Dr. Lisa Mosconi.
Adding in experiences of trauma, neurodivergence, gender diversity, racism, and patriarchy makes things even more complex and nuanced. There are no simple answers here. Words like "woman" may not fit for you, and I see you too.
Women's anger, and the anger of other marginalized folks, is often justified. This adds fuel to the fire but doesn't necessarily make it easier to control. There are so many legitimate things to be angry about, and being angry about everything will eventually burn you out.
When you bring your anger to therapy, we can look at it together and give it the attention it deserves. We can also build the capacity to observe and listen to that anger without letting it run wild. Anger very often wants (and needs) real change, and change happens when anger is really heard.
Want to learn more or schedule a free 30 min consultation to see if it might be a good fit for us to work together? Please feel free to reach out. I'd love to meet you.
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